Saturday, June 13, 2009
Climbing a little forward...sliding back
This is no fun. I wouldn't make a good nurse. Things I don't like about caring for an invalid:
1. It's like climbing up a sand dune. You take a step forward, and then you slide back again.
2. You can't plan on time for yourself. You can't plan on where to work on a project. Sometimes the invalid needs you by his side. Sometimes he needs you to go away (but not too far away) so he can rest. Sometimes your whole day is shot to pieces because he might have a blood clot in the back of his leg, so you go sit in the ER for 4 hours while they do 15 minutes worth of testing to determine that no (thank goodness) he doesn't have a clot, just lots of swelling. (That was today.)
3. You never know what to plan for meals. Sometimes the invalid only wants a little of something bland. Other times he's ravenous and you have to fix a whole meal, not of what you might think to fix, but what sounds good to him.
4. You can't actually SAY any of this, because it's too mean. He is the one who is hurting, after all. And you are up and healthy enough to run his errands, go mow the lawn after the time at the ER, just plain walk and sit and get out of bed and even pee all by yourself! So what do you have to complain about!!?? He can't even get his legs in and out of the bed by himself.
OK, I just had to get that out of my system. Sorry. Today has been tough on both Mark and me; we both feel like we're struggling on a sand dune. Will we ever get over the hump? In our heads we know we will. Mark will get better. I will get my life back. So will he. But emotionally, it's a little hard to believe right now.
And there are, by the way, a few things I DO like about caring for an invalid (when the invalid is Mark):
1. We get lots of quiet time together.
2. We have to rely on each other.
3. He lets down his guard; privacy isn't an option, so it's very intimate in a definitely not sexy kind of way.
4. He is patient and kind and funny and I am a lucky woman to be married to him.