Sunday, December 19, 2010

Candlelight Carol

Trying to pin down a feeling...

This evening Mark and I went to a lovely concert of Christmas music at our church. The penultimate song was this one, "Candlelight Carol." Here's a lovely version by the MoTab.

I don't know what it is about this song. I've sung it several times over the years in different Christmas choirs, and it always moves me. Tonight was no exception; I had to use Mark's hankie.

Christmastime prompts so many reflections of the gifts of the gospel, the gifts of the Spirit. I am thankful beyond words for the Atonement, and the promise that I can return with my family to live with God again. But 2010 has been a year of such profound, unspeakable loss in my family, that the emotions of gratitude and grief collide and twist my heart, and while I try to be cheerful and brave, sometimes there is nothing left but to weep for a while.

Sometimes Christmas is just like that. That sweet, innocent baby was born to be crucified. The scriptures tell us that we all shouted for joy when we heard that we, too, would come to earth to be tried, to suffer. At the heart of the tinsel and presents is the truth that Christ didn't come to have a holly-jolly Christmas, he came to work out our salvation through his Atonement.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be moody and depressing. I'm just sitting her next to my little 4-foot fake tree, with the lights turned low, echoes of lovely music in my heart, and reflecting with gratitude on the Savior and his love.


Dorothy said...

Beautifully written. I can feel a little of your heartache and joy, too, by these words. 2011 will be a much sweeter year for your family, I'm sure. Hugs to you!

Polly said...

Love you, Mom! Sorry it's been a hard year.