Blackberries and Sisters

This morning Mark and I went out to do battle with the blackberries, and we have scars to prove that they were vicious opponents! There was a big patch growing behind what used to be the barn, more in a couple of the apple trees and a couple of the cherry trees, and still more growing up into the arbor vitae.

I don't know how to capture in words the fun we had working together. We made stupid jokes about the huge clumps that we had to yank and yank to get free--all their long tentacles like giant squid, and the way a vine would almost wrap itself around us as we tried to get it into the truck. We worked together and figured out a good system. Mark would pull a section and I would use the loppers to cut it off when he couldn't pull any more. The sun was shining, and we got hot and sweaty and filthy together, and it just felt so good to work hard together.

I love having a body that is (sort of) fit and strong. I love doing hard work, especially outdoors. I love working alongside my sweetheart. And as my family knows, I always love taking a trip to the dump--it is SO cathartic to get rid of messes!

So it was a good morning. We came home from the dump, scratched and bloody, but nothing that a hot shower couldn't take care of.

This evening was the General Relief Society broadcast. I love the thought of all my girls sitting together to hear the inspired messages, even though we live far apart. Ashley wasn't able to attend tonight because Blake has a cold, but as far as I know, the rest of my girls were there. Julia and Maleena were with me in Oregon City, Holly in Idaho, Kendra and Katie in Utah, Polly and Angela in the Bay Area, and Hillary in southern California.

I wish my mother were a member of Relief Society. If she lived closer, I could at least invite her to come with me.

I don't have any sisters of my own. I have one brother, and we might have had another sibling--maybe it would have been a sister--but my mother miscarried, and then she and my father decided not to have any more children. As my daughters have grown, I have admired their sister relationships, and wondered what it would be like to have a sister relationship in my own life.

Sitting in the chapel tonight, and seeing scenes from the broadcast of the vast audience, and thinking of my girls scattered in various states, all of us surrounded by sisters from our own wards and stakes, I was moved to tears to think of sisters, and how grateful I am for the many sisters I have in my life.

I am so happy to be a woman alive on the earth, so grateful for my family and the gospel in my life, so moved by inspired prophets and leaders who bring me closer to Christ.

Kindness

I want to take better care of myself, and I have realized that to do that, I need to be more kind to myself.

One thing I've (finally) figured out is that being a perfectionist is toxic. It's fine to have a commitment to doing good work, producing useful ideas/documents/lessons/etc, but insisting on perfection is prideful and controlling. It's unkind. I'm trying to let that go.

I am also taking more opportunities to relax. I'm still using my little yoga book to practice yoga poses every day. When I finish, I feel stretched, strengthened, and more relaxed. I notice that I've been sleeping a LOT better since I started practicing yoga. My favorite yoga to do is a series of 18 poses called the "strengthening series" in this book. Other places I've heard it called the "sun salutation."  (I found a cool little animated guy doing the sun salutation here. The series I am currently practicing actually has a several additional poses added in to it. It took me a couple of weeks just to memorize the sequence of poses, but now I can go through all 18 without looking at the book.)

Another way I have found to relax recently is to help myself fall asleep by counting grandbabies. If I'm awake in the middle of the night, I imagine each one in his or her bed and how he or she might look asleep. If it's an afternoon nap, I imagine each one at play or schoolwork. The other day I had a tension headache and went upstairs to take a nap. I was going through each of the little ones, starting with Julia's kids, and then down through each of my children in order, and I only made it as far as Rebecca before I was asleep! I had to count the rest of the grandchildren when I woke up--headache free--20 minutes later.

I am also being more kind to myself by honoring more of my own wishes, ones that I have so often decided weren't important. They are little things, but they make me feel more loved and cared for, even if I myself am the one doing the loving and caring! Taking time to rub my feet with lotion when they are tired and sore. Stopping by Dairy Queen for a Dilly Bar on my way to a meeting at the district office. Buying a new pair of pants for myself that actually fit and feel comfortable, when the ones in the closet have gotten too tight (what's up with that?). Buying a yoga book on the play day Mark and I took out to the coast.

Mark and I have scheduled a play day on one Saturday a month. The play days are on the calendar, and we are committed to not scheduling other things on those days. We tell others (or ourselves), "Sorry, I'm not available that day. I have a previous commitment." On our September play day we went out to the coast for the day. We haven't decided yet what we will do on our October play day, but we're hoping to make it an overnighter. These play days are actually dates - just for Mark and me - to stay connected with each other and with our playful selves.

It's just another way to be kind.

Hello Olivia!

Here is darling Olivia--in my lap! We are here in Utah for Mimi Haynie's wedding tomorrow (Mimi is Mark's niece), and bonus! We get to spend time with Olivia and Katie & Bryan, and Abbi & Charlie and Kendra and Chris. What a treat. We will be here until Sunday evening.

We really enjoyed our time with Olivia. (Can you tell it was "spirit day" at Oregon City HS today? We went straight from work to the airport. A busy day, but we are very glad to be here.

Ethan's baby blessing

These posts are out of order, but things have been a little crazy with school starting up, and I'm trying to get the blog caught up.

Last weekend Mark and I flew to Los Angeles for Ethan's baby blessing. Ethan is the son of Joshua (Mark's oldest son) and Hillary Haynie. Nate and Ashley drove down from Oregon with Blake to meet their new nephew, and Angela flew down from the Bay Area. (Tim kept the twins at home.)

We had a lovely time. We stayed with Hillary's parents, and it was so nice to get to know them better--without the stress of a wedding going on! (They taught us a fun new card game--"Monopoly Deal"--which we've now purchased to play here at home.) It was fun to have all three of Mark's kids together. The weather was a little on the warm side, but very pleasant.

It was wonderful to spend time with Josh and Hillary. We wish we didn't live so far apart, and that we could see them more often!

Ethan's baby blessing

Play Day at the Coast with Mark

Sleeping Bag Yoga

I bought this little book at the Tillamook Forest Center the other day when Mark and I were there on our play day. I've been practicing the yoga poses in it for the last two nights. Boy, was I surprised to wake up sore this morning! I hadn't really trusted that the yoga poses could be that much work, I guess. There are a couple of them I can't even begin to do, but for the most part, I'm finding this to be a useful little book. I want to keep practicing the poses. I thought they would be good centering stretches, but maybe they'll help me to build some strength, too!

Jefferson Park Backpack

Sitting in the airport

(I wrote this last Friday morning - tried to post then, but we had too much happening over the weekend, and then we were back to school on Monday. Sorry to be lame with a late post, but I haven't posted anything in so long...)

(We have more wonderful news - new posts coming soon - stay tuned!)

Hooray for PDX and free wi-fi! Mark and I are sitting here waiting for our plane. That would be waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Beautiful pinky-gold-purple clouds outside as the sun is coming up (6:15 am). (Why do we say "the sun is coming up"? Really the earth is spinning madly around toward the sun again...)

Anyway, we're on our way to go meet Ethan Haynie for the first time. Yesterday Hillary posted on her blog that he is in the 97th percentile. He already weighs almost as much as Maddy, and he's only one month old, she's 4 months old. So fascinating how individual all these little people are. Mark and I are excited to meet him. We're taking a Bumbo chair for a baby gift, which Mark is very kindly carrying onto the plane. He's such a good grandpa.

I haven't had a minute to post about our backpacking trip into Jefferson Park last week. It's not really a park, but it sure is gorgeous. It's in a wilderness area in the Willamette National Forest, right at the base of Mt. Hood. To get there, you drive to Salem, head east on Hwy 22 past Detroit Lake, then drive up a gravel road for 6 miles to the trailhead.

From the trailhead, it's a 6-mile hike to Jefferson Park. That would be 6 miles UPhill, but it's not really all that bad. The trail is well built and the grade is even and not too steep. Lots of shade, and the trail isn't too rocky. It was actually harder on us hiking out, DOWNhill, because all that downhill is kind of hard on our middle-aged knees and toes. (Our heads and shoulders did fine - ha!)

We hadn't been on a getaway, just for us, in years. Years and years. Maybe the last time was when we went to the coast in southern Washington on Labor Day of 1997. We've been on a number of road trips and other outings since then, but we're always with someone else, or headed to someone's house for a visit, or something. It was wonderful to have some time away to play all by ourselves. Twelve years in between is way too long.

My very cool blogging friend, Dorothy Jenson, recently posted a bunch of photos on her blog in the form of a slide show. She made it using her free PhotoBucket account, and I want to be cool like Dorothy, so I'm going to just save this little snippet and see if I can open up a PhotoBucket account of my own and upload some photos and make a slide show right here in PDX before our plane arrives...

So many busy, happy things...

I have felt guilty not posting in so long, but I have hardly known where to begin. So many happy times, so many blessings, and we have been so busy enjoying them all that there hasn't been time to post and do any of them justice. Here are a few highlights.

Mark had a good experience at Cub Scout Day Camp. He moaned and groaned a little about walking up and down the hills, but there aren't that many of them, and the exercise on uneven terrain was really good for him. By the end of the week he felt stronger and more fit. Here's a photo of the two of us when I went up on the last day.



The day after Day Camp, little Ethan, son of Joshua and Hillary, was born! I don't have a full-size photo of him, so this one will have to do for now. This one was taken on the day he was born, July 24, a little pioneer day baby. He is growing by leaps and bounds, and he looks so much like Joshua.



On July 28 Mark and I left for 4 days of camping at Sparks Lake with our dear friends, Ken and Dorothy Jenson, and some of the other "empty nesters" from our ward. Holly and David and Arora came out and joined us for a day (they didn't stay the second night, because Arora was throwing up in the tent the first night). It is so peaceful and relaxing at Sparks - we felt like we really got away from our daily life out there at the lake.

Mark in his favorite relaxing position at Sparks Lake. We went in fully clothed because it was so hot - with our clothes wet, we stayed cool for a couple of hours after we came out.


Paddling the canoe with David and Arora.


Mark and Ken feeding the birds - bits of bread in each hand and on top of their hats. If you look closely, you can see the bird that landed on Marks right hand.

After we came home from Sparks Lake, we were here for just a Sunday, then we turned around and headed to the hills to go backpacking with grandkids. Our first outing was to Twin Lakes with Kat and Sarah. They are seven, and this was their first backpack outing. They did great!

Kat and Sarah on the trail to Twin Lakes.

Sarah and Kat learn how to set up their tent.

We had directions to a "letterbox" hidden beneath an old log about 1/2 mile past Upper Twin Lake. It made a great adventure and treasure hunt for the girls. Here is the moment where Kat and Sarah discovered the letterbox. We brought stamps and a stamp pad with us, and we all put our signatures and stamps into the tiny journal tucked inside the letterbox.

Mark, Sarah, and Kat enjoyed drinking their hot chocolate on the "bouncy log."

The four of us (me, Sarah, Kat, Mark) ready to hike back to the trailhead.

We met Jayesh at the trailhead and traded the girls for Josh and his friend, Kameron Christensen. Jay took the girls home, and we drove with the boys to Olallie Lake, where we donned packs and headed for the multitude of small lakes that surround Olallie. We had three days of joy hiking among the lakes and hills nearby.

Kameron and Josh pause by a small meadow.

Mark, Kameron and Josh swimming in Sheep Lake with their Thermarest sleeping pads.

Mark at the top of Potato Butte. Mt. Jefferson is in the background.

Kameron and Josh - ready to hike on a rainy morning.

At the end of the hike - back to Olallie Lake. (me, Kameron, Josh, Mark)

Then this week I went to Utah for a very quick trip. I helped Polly drive down for her sister-in-law's wedding. Too long a trip for just a mama and three young children! The kids were great on the trip, but we stopped frequently to let them get out and run around, so it took a very l-o-n-g time. We left at 5:30 am and didn't arrive until almost 11:00 pm! Then I spent a day and a half with Katie. It was really fun to visit her before her baby arrives sometime in the next 2 or 3 weeks.

My mind to your mind...

Here's a photo of Mark and me at cub scout day camp, 2008.

Cub scout day camp begins tomorrow, and I can't go. I'm working in Salem for Oregon Dept of Ed for the next four days. Sweet Mark has agreed to go all week. I am really grateful for this, because I know from experience that it makes all the difference in the world for the boys to have a consistent leader there throughout the week. Mark is patient and he has tons of scouting experience, so he's a natural for this "opportunity."

But there are SO many details that go into organizing a pack for day camp! Our pack has been growing by leaps and bounds. When I first became involved with cubs in our ward about 5 years ago, we had only 3 boys going to day camp. This year we have 13, organized into 2 dens! Along with the 13 boys, nineteen different adults are going up on various days to lend Mark a hand. It's been a major pain organizing who is driving each day, determining which den they will help supervise, collecting 32 different health forms (kids & adults), procuring 14 different t-shirts, helping boys make 2 different den flags and den yells, etc, etc.

And now I need to transfer all this info to Mark, so it will all be successful without me there. I've made a notebook for him with list after list, printed out the huge email I just sent to all the parents, inserted copies of the den rosters and the late registrations and the camp receipt and...

He has the coolers and the ice packs and the den flags and the water bottles and the t-shirts all in a pile. I've told him about the new cub scout with food allergies (wheat & milk), and what to do if the boys get too over-stimulated (take them for a walk), and how to contact the parents if there's a problem.

How did the world manage cub scout day camp before I came along? How will Mark do this week? Worry, worry, worry. Silly me, he'll be fine of course. It's not that hard after all. Take a bunch of 8-, 9- and 10-year olds, add in some really super parents, head off to a beautiful, well-run day camp, and voila! I'm sure they'll have a wonderful time.

And not only that, I've transfered my mind to his mind...it's all in the notebook...list after list after list after list...

Blueberry Wealth

I was out early this morning, picking blueberries again. I stood in the same spot for nearly an hour, and still couldn't get all the blueberries from just that one side of the bush picked. The bushes out front are only 2 years old; their trunks are no bigger around than my thumb. These bushes in the back were old when I moved here 30 years ago. The trunk of the largest bush is as big as my thigh (unfortunately, that's a goodly size...). Could they be as old as the house? 100-year-old bushes?

I don't know the lifespan of a blueberry bush, but I do know that I am wealthy in blueberries. Already I have nearly 40 cups in the freezer, and there are at least 20 more left to pick on the bushes. I was contemplating blueberries as I stood and picked this morning...

...how hard they work to convert sunshine into sugar for all those berries. Berry after berry after berry, loaded with sugar and antioxidants.

...sweet memories of picking blueberries year after year. I remember picking blueberries when Kendra was a newborn. I would put her in her little carrier chair and sit her under the blueberry bushes. Birds sing and the shade flickers overhead when I stand and pick blueberries.

...speaking of birds, the last time I was picking, a hummingbird flew near and hovered about 2 feet away. He zoomed away, and then came back to hover again a few minutes later. Was he checking me out? I don't think hummingbirds eat blueberries; I think they only drink nectar, although if he wanted some blueberries he could have them. There are plenty of blueberries on my bushes to share a few with the birds.

...if Mark and I ever build houses on our back property, maybe I'll build the handicap-access "grandma house" in the back corner near the blueberry bushes. That way, when I can't manage the big house any more and I move into the little cottage out back, I'll still have blueberries.


Here's another photo from the yard. Early in the morning, the bumblebees are still asleep in the lavender bushes. This bumblebee was still dreaming lavender dreams when I snapped this photo early yesterday morning. (It's fun to click on the photo and see the bumblebee up close in the middle of the lavender. And no, I didn't take the blueberry photo. That's an image I found on Google.)

Real Age

Have you ever checked out the Real Age website? It asks you a bunch of questions about your health and lifestyle, and then it emails you with your "real age."

I took the survey this evening, and my real age came back as 49.8 years! Not bad for a 55-year-old.

Some of the positive factors in my "real age" are beyond my control - my parents are still alive and still married to each other, I don't have a family history of breast cancer, etc. But some of them are completely within my control - taking vitamins every day, getting enough sleep.

With the negative factors, though, I have control of everything. My negative factors include: I don't have a dog, I'm not getting enough whole grains, I'm neglecting my muscles, and I have a high body mass index (BMI - in other words, I weigh too much). I got dinged for having a lot of stress in my life, too (adding a child to the family, worrying about my job situation, etc.).

Gee, how much younger would I be if I lost weight, got a dog, and ate more whole grains? The world might never get rid of me, so it's a good thing I'm not that perfect. We all need to take our turns here on Earth.

It's a privilege...

Years ago, when I had a houseful of children, on an evening when the kids were especially wound up and noisy and disrespectful. I got angry, as moms sometimes do, and made the mistake of trying to threaten them into better behavior. "If you kids don't calm down," I yelled, "you'll be outside sleeping in a tent tonight. It's a privilege to sleep in the house!"

The kids gaped at me, open-mouthed, and then burst into guffawing laughter. They poked fun at my short-term rage and my ridiculous threat. After a bit, I grinned and backed down, defeated by my own self-righteousness. They knew I wouldn't drive them out into the dark, and they were right.

Over the years, given my love of camping and backpacking, my family has turned that memorable faux pas into an inside, teasing joke. "Remember," they'll tell me from time to time, "it's a privilege to sleep in a tent."

Yesterday I had a rough day. I worked all day in Salem, came home briefly, then went out to Scouter's Mountain for a day camp meeting to wrangle the t-shirts that should have been ordered and hadn't been, then cried on the way home about another sadness. I went to McDonald's and bought a hamburger and a milkshake and ate them by myself, still teary, at Clackamette Park. Finally got home at 8:00, spent another hour tracking down day camp details, and then Maleena came downstairs, hurting from her Tuesday surgery, wanting something to eat. Mark was at a meeting; I'd hardly seen him all day, and come to find out he hadn't picked up any groceries earlier in the day. So I went to the store, resentful because I wanted a little time for something I chose to do, not something I was expected to do by others. Driving home 15 minutes later, my cell phone rang; Maleena was calling to tell me that Mark was home and he'd gone to the store on the way home from his meeting.

Something in me snapped. I dumped the groceries on the counter and went upstairs to start a load of wash - I wanted a shower and I was out of clean underwear because I'd been working all week and hadn't done any wash - but the washer and dryer were full of Julia & Mike's laundry. Went into my bedroom, which was still a mess from the wall-painting project Mark had undertaken last week, and things still weren't put back where they belong. I was mad and tired and sad and sweaty and I didn't want to deal with anyone.

So I did what any self-respecting backpacking grandma would do under those circumstances: I went and grabbed my backpacking tent and a Thermarest and a sleeping bag out of the basement, and stomped out to the orchard, where I set up my tent and sleeping gear. I cried a while, then pulled out my headlamp and my book and read for a while. Maleena came out to apologize for making me go to the store, and Mark came out to check on me, but he didn't try to talk me into coming back inside. So I read a while longer and then slept until 4:00 am, when I had to go to the bathroom, so I went back in the house and slipped into bed next to Mark, who was awake waiting for me. We talked for a while and went to sleep until morning, when I went out to put the tent away.

I sure don't want to get all emotional like that very often, but yes, it's a privilege to sleep in a a tent.

Thumper's Rule

"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," was Thumper's etiquette advice.

I think my version of this would be: "If I can't say it to someone's face, don't say anything at all."

Avoiding gossip? We all know that's what we're supposed to do. And yet for years I have meddled in the lives of my children, trying to help them get along, trying to help smooth things over, sympathizing here, explaining there.

I don't want to do this any more. Interfering between adult children is a bad idea, because mediating a relationship means there's not really a relationship. Although it hurts my mother heart when my children are in conflict, I need to get out of the way and allow my children to be honest and real with one another, instead of avoiding issues. My children end up negotiating around the elephant in the living room, because they're trying to keep me happy.

Joseph Smith said, "I teach my people correct principles, and let them govern themselves." If my family members aren't governing themselves very well, I still need to get out of their way. I have taught them the best I can, and I will continue to offer encouragement (always) and counsel (when they ask for it), but I will stop talking out of two sides of my face, stop trying to agree with everyone, stop trying to make everyone happy.

I will be honest. If I can't be honest and kind, I will be quiet. I choose love, I choose kindness, I choose to not take sides.

The Right Kind of Cancer

Survivors' Lap - Relay for Life

Mark wanted to walk in the Survivors' Lap at the Relay for Life on June 27. He walked a lap at Clackamas Community College with a bunch of other cancer survivors. When he was actually walking with all of them, I was more moved than I had anticipated. I think I've kept the reality of his cancer at arm's length for a long time, and this made it all more real. Kind of funny timing, since he already had the surgery, and the biopsies are all negative. As his doctor said when he told us the news, "If you're going to have a cancer diagnosis, this is the one you want - stage 3 and completely operable." I am so grateful that he is cancer-free. Four weeks today since his surgery.

A Work in Progress

The back yard is coming along. I am still working on convincing Mark that it really is important that we get the rest of the swings installed. The barkdust is all in place, and the steps are almost finished. Nate has been doing a super job getting them built for us. They are strong to stand on and attractive to view. I am thrilled to finally have use of this access to our back yard!

100 Years

The house was built in 1909, and we are gearing up for the birthday party on the 4th of July. We'll have 40-50 people here for an afternoon picnic, and an on-going circus here at the house as we enjoy time with Polly and her 3 kids (Eric stayed in California to work on his doctoral dissertation), Kendra & Chris and their 2 kids, my parents, Mark's mom, and the local families: Greg & Cheryl, Julia & Mike & Josh/Sarah/Kat/Maddy, Nate & Ashley & Blake, and David & Holly & Arora. More family arriving today and tomorrow: Mark's brother Mike & wife Julie, Mike K's daughter & granddaughter Christina & Kaitlyn, and Cousin Eva.

Ten Things I Love About My Garden on This Morning in June...

The lavender is in bloom! It just popped this week. The whole front of the house is lovely, lovely, lovely.


The blueberries are thick, and they will be ripe soon!


More flowers in bloom, and the evergreen shade garden makes a deep green contrast.


The funky little brick-and-stone path I made to fill in a weedy patch near the garden.


The garden! The squash have blossoms, there are tiny tomatillos and tomatoes, the peas are almost there...ahhh...


This dandy new sprinkler we bought yesterday. I had to twist Mark's arm just a little...


The backyard play area I am creating for my grandchildren. This is a work in progress. Stay tuned!


Learning to use the nail gun yesterday to create the play area border out of maple limbs. It will soon be filled with fresh barkdust, the weeds will be gone, and new swings will hang, waiting to tempt the little ones.


The cherry trees are loaded with cherries this year. Oh, I hope they are still on the tree when the family comes for the 4th.


The cherries I picked and ate for my breakfast this morning.

Spooning

Mark has finally recovered from his surgery enough that we can sleep close together again. Oh, hallelujah! I hadn't realized how much I miss curling up behind his back at night and listening to his slow breath. I think I'm falling in love all over again.


But then he snores! Definitely not in love with that. I added "ear plugs" to my shopping list yesterday. We'll see if wearing them helps me sleep better. Actually, he (usually) only snores if he's lying flat on his back - he did that a lot the first two weeks after surgery - so if he's on his side, not only can I spoon up behind him, but he's less likely to snore, too.

Speaking of sleeping...here's a video that makes me smile every time I watch it. Click HERE.