Heavenly Father's Projects

The last two weeks have been so busy - many days I have had almost no time to myself, with constant demands or commitments to my family, my calling, my students, the literacy coaching work I do at the high school and the two middle schools, and other commitments such as the work I occasionally do with the Oregon Dept of Education.

There were several big, one-time events that I had a major responsibility with in the last two weeks--coordinating the logistics for retesting nearly 200 juniors and seniors who haven't passed their state tests yet, preparing & presenting a training session for teachers at Oregon City High School, presenting another two days of training for more teachers at ODE, attending cub scout leader training (not that I needed to attend, but to encourage my new assistant den leader to go).

One morning last week I was saying my morning prayers before leaving for work, and I was going down this long list of activities for the day that I wanted Heavenly Father to please help me with, when it dawned on me--everything I was praying for was a project that I was working on. They were all worthy things to do, but it occurred to me to wonder what projects He had in mind for me that day.

At the end of the day, again praying, I asked in my prayer if I had accomplished any of Heavenly Father's projects for the day. I was forced to admit to myself that I didn't think anything I had done during the day qualified--just busy, busy, busy the whole day. But then I recalled sitting for a few extra minutes to listen to one of my teaching colleagues tell me about her success in (finally) connecting with a difficult class, and I also recalled spending a few minutes in the evening while Maleena and I talked about her day at school (Clackamas Community College).

That was all--just listening. That was what God wanted me to do that day.

What it's like to be me in the mornings

A dear friend posted a poem on her blog about her morning walk, and it got me to thinking...perhaps my mornings are worth writing about, too...

The alarm goes off at 5:30, but most mornings I've already been awake for at least 15 or 20 minutes. It's my quiet time, my reflecting time. Problems that were tangled into a knot the night before begin to loosen in the mornings. New ideas come, and I see new ways to tackle what lies before me in the day.

Shower every other morning. Some weeks Mark and I are really coordinated--he takes a shower one day, and I take a shower the next. Other weeks we're on the same cycle, and we take quick turns. Every morning, floss, take vitamins, moisturize and put on makeup. (Not Saturdays)

One of us goes downstairs to start the cereal. We started eating steel-cut oats a couple of years ago, and we've been eating them every morning since. They take 20 minutes to simmer, so one of us goes down and gets the water boiling and adds the oats. Then that one can come back upstairs to get dressed.

Getting dressed: try to look professional, but I don't have to be overly fancy. I usually only wear jeans once a week or so (usually on Tuesdays, Cub Scout days), but most days I wear slacks and a nice shirt or sweater. I used to wear leather shoes more often, but the last couple of years I've gradually transitioned into wearing athletic shoes almost every day. It's just easier, and better for my feet, with the orthotics. Last month I bought some new shoes at REI (the ones I was wearing were two years old, and I had been wearing them almost every day). The ones that fit best were trail running shoes! Hah! I met up with a couple of trail-running gals when I went on my 50-mile hike in 2008, and I was pretty impressed with them. Now when Mark and I go for a walk, I joke that I just might take off trail running...hasn't happened yet...

Gather up the student papers I was grading the night before and put them plus the laptop into my teacher bag. A few quiet minutes for morning prayers, and then downstairs for breakfast. By this time the oats have finished cooking. One of us (usually Mark--he's better at it) scrambles a couple of eggs, and I cut up some fruit. Lately I've been eschewing sugar, so I add a little extra fruit to the oats, and maybe some slivered almonds.

Read the morning paper, check email while we eat. The grandkids are usually up by then, so we chat with them while we eat breakfast. Rinse the dishes, into the dishwasher, assemble the lunches: 1/2 turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread, fruit, plain yogurt or cottage cheese for me / sweetened yogurt for Mark, a few almonds, a small bag of homemade trail mix, string cheese. Toss the lunches into our lunch bags, find the employee ID badge for school.

Give the grandkids a hug, head for the door. It's 7:00 am, more or less. We have to be to school no later than 7:30, but we always try to get there before that so we can run off copies, set up lesson materials, chat with colleagues a bit before the day begins in earnest.

I actually enjoy my morning routine. I don't dread getting up and going to work. My mornings keep me healthy and ready to be on top of my day. The only things that would make it better would be to work in some exercise - a walk, or some yoga. I've tried, but I'm not consistent about that yet. Maybe next month!

(If you really read this post, please make a comment. This has got to be one of the driest topics I've posted here yet...most likely interesting only to me...)

October Play Day - at Olallie Lake

Mark and I had our October play day this weekend. Lucky us--we had Friday off, and the weather forecast was good, so we decided to make it an overnighter. We both wanted to try out our new camping gear we bought at the REI garage sale last month, and Mark wanted to do a little fishing, so we decided to camp at Olallie Lake. We had new sleeping bags rated to 20 degrees, and our choice of two new tents to sleep in. Yesterday we loaded up the car and headed to the lake!

We were glad we did it the simple way, with the smaller canoe on top of the Subaru (instead of the larger canoe on the trailer) because the roads were pretty bumpy as we got close to Olallie Lake.

Although we camped at other lakes near Olallie Lake last summer when we went backpacking with Joshua, it's been years since I'd camped here. I remembered how windy it always is, though, so we made it a priority to choose a campsite with some shelter from the wind.

We weren't sure which of the two new tents we wanted to use, so we ended up setting both of them up!

Once we had them up, we decided to sleep in the blue tent in the foreground. It's smaller than the other one, although it doesn't look like it in this photo. The white one has less wind protection, and since it's larger, it doesn't hold the heat in as well. Boy, were we glad we slept in the smaller tent! We were cold during the night. Mark got up about 4:00 to go potty, and he said there was frost on everything. When we got up this morning, we checked the temperature in the car, and it was 27 degrees!!

We were so cold we had to go for a hike to warm up. We hiked about 2 miles to Long Lake. The trail goes through a huge burned-out area. It looked desolate, although the views of Mt. Jefferson were beautiful. It was a gorgeous fall day--just a little cold, since we were camped at 5,000 feet!

I think I get to camp and hike with the handsomest guy in the world. And he is wearing a very classy hat.

Once we had warmed up, we went fishing in the canoe. Well, Mark went fishing, and I paddled so he could troll. After a while he decided on a stationery fishing spot, so I got to read my book for a while.

After we finished playing in the canoe we were cold and hungry, so we went back to camp for lunch. Good thing we had set up both tents, because we took our camping chairs and our lunch and ate inside the bigger tent! Oh, it was nice to get out of the wind for a while. Not much of a view, but it felt good to warm up.

Now we're home...tired, sunburned, and happy that we calendared another play day for ourselves. We feel ready to tackle the day-to-day challenges again because we got outdoors and away from our normal responsibilities. And like I told Mark, "Old people can't camp like this when it's cold, so we are not old!" This proves it...I think...

I want to be like these people when I grow up...

These are amazing and wonderful people: Ken and Nancy Jenkins, my parents. They sent this photo today. They are 77 and 74 years old, and this photo was taken today at the real estate office where they work.

They are healthy and busy every day. Dad has a little trouble with his ankles, so he has to be careful when he walks and limit how far he goes (less than 1/2 mile at a time...) but they are just amazing to me.

A couple of years ago they decided to augment their fixed income by studying up and getting real estate licenses. This has been a tough year for them--only 2 sales so far in 2009--but before the economy went sour, they were selling 1 or more properties every month..and that's in a small mountain community in rural northeastern Washington. They work full time selling real estate. When sales aren't going through, they are still picking up listings, following up on customers, researching properties, you name it. I have never known two retired people who worked so hard.

They live in a small home heated by wood heat, which they supply for themselves by cutting wood throughout the year. They are known for being wonderful neighbors, who never miss an opportunity to help out. They maintain regular contact with their two surviving siblings, two children & spouses, 12 grandchildren, and I don't even know how many great grandchildren.

Mom calls me every Saturday at 8:30 am. I can set my clock by her. She and I chat and keep tabs on the family news. I wish they lived closer! When the kids were in high school and performing in the high school plays, Mom and Dad would drive down (9 hour trip, one way!) for every play performance. But now that the kids are out of high school, we don't get to see them as often. Guess I need to get into community theater, or something like that...

Like Nephi in the Book of Mormon, I can say that "I was born of goodly parents." I love them, admire them, and I am so very grateful to be their daughter.

Remembering Jed

I'm feeling sad this afternoon. I got a call from the mom of a former student a little while ago. She was calling to tell me that her son, Jedediah, passed away on Tuesday.

I think he graduated 3 or 4 years ago. He was in my Reading Writing Workshop 9 class as a freshman, and then I taught him again in Oregon Lit and Creative Nonfiction Writing. Having him as a student for 3 different years, I got to know him pretty well.

Jed loved to write. He wrote with enthusiasm and vigor, if not finesse. His favorite genre was fantasy, and he brought me his chapters from time to time, beginning in freshman year. They were long on plot and short on character development, but Jed loved them.

He was such a nice kid. Always polite.
He got really sick a couple of times during his freshman year, so sick with pneumonia that I was afraid he might die. His family belongs to the Followers of Christ church here in Oregon City, a faith that does not use medical treatments, a faith that shuns its members who do.

During his senior year of high school, Jed stopped coming to school. His younger brother, Zack, was in my 9th grade class by then, so I would get updates from Zack: Jed is doing better, Jed will be back soon. I made packets of work for Jed to do, but eventually I stopped because he couldn't do the work. He was confined to his bed, couldn't even walk. Zack told me they were using herbs to treat M.S. Eventually Jed started to walk again, with a cane, and he finally made it back to enough of school that he barely passed the credits he needed to graduate.

When his mother called me today, she said she knew she should call me because Jed loved to write, he loved my class, and he loved me. I loved him, too.

She said he was happy up until the end, and he smiled every day. She said they had done everything possible for him, had given him all the medical help available. I hope that's true. I hope that if anything good has come out of the recent controversies for the Followers' families, it has been the lesson that they can't keep allowing their children to die without getting medical treatment for them. I hope they will stop shunning one another for taking care of their children.

I feel so torn between my anger and frustration with a faith that allows children with medical needs to go untreated, and my love of the individual students and their very real belief that this is God's will for them.

More ways I feel torn - this morning I got an email from the district liaison for homeless students, and learned that six...SIX!...of my seniors in first period are homeless. No wonder they're tardy and disorganized. Of the six, three of them are some of the brightest, strongest writers in the class, but I rarely see their writing, and when I do, it's always late. They don't have computers, they don't have transportation, but they do have constant crisis and chaos in their lives.

And then there's this: on Wednesday, I was reading a piece I wrote called "Pixie Dust" with my students. I wrote it several years ago, when the high school put on Peter Pan, and Mark was one of the "flyers" back stage, handling the equipment that made Peter and the Darling children fly. It's a chipper, cheerful piece, and the kids always enjoy reading it. Except that this time, I got as far as the second paragraph, and I was sobbing there in my classroom, in front of all the kids. It doesn't say it in the piece, but Mark was the flyer for the character John, who was played by Brad Ventura, who died of cancer at age 22 in June.

It's been a tough week. There's a lot I wish I could fix in the world.

Anticipation

I am sitting here in the student union at PSU, waiting for my new writing class to begin in 1/2 hour. I know there will be times during the term when I kick myself for having signed up for the class, but those times will come and go. I love taking classes! I love the way I go to new places within myself when I take a writing class. (Even if those new places so often include doubts and discouragement...I will never get it completely right...)

I rode the new MAX train from Clackamas Town Center to PSU for my class! The ride is about 50 minutes, which is longer than the drive (30 minutes), but I think it will be better for three reasons:
1. The cost of the roundtrip fare is half the cost of parking at PSU.
2. I can get some homework done during the train ride instead of driving.
3. I am using public transportation, which is good for the environment.

Mark and I rode the train for our Family Home Evening on Monday, so today I rode it with complete confidence - knew exactly where it would let me off, where to buy the ticket, etc. It's nice to not have to worry about the traffic or parking. I parked the truck at the Park-N-Ride parking lot (free) at the Clackamas Town Center, so it will only be a 15-minute drive home once the train drops me off at the Town Center.

The biggest drawback is that my class doesn't get out until almost 9:00, so it will be around 10:00 before I get home. But at least the trains run that late, and I can do this. I had wanted to take the bus before this, but they don't run late to Oregon City, they take longer, and I would have to change buses. This is much better.

Hooray for the new MAX "Green Line" that opened from Clackamas Town Center in September!

Blackberries and Sisters

This morning Mark and I went out to do battle with the blackberries, and we have scars to prove that they were vicious opponents! There was a big patch growing behind what used to be the barn, more in a couple of the apple trees and a couple of the cherry trees, and still more growing up into the arbor vitae.

I don't know how to capture in words the fun we had working together. We made stupid jokes about the huge clumps that we had to yank and yank to get free--all their long tentacles like giant squid, and the way a vine would almost wrap itself around us as we tried to get it into the truck. We worked together and figured out a good system. Mark would pull a section and I would use the loppers to cut it off when he couldn't pull any more. The sun was shining, and we got hot and sweaty and filthy together, and it just felt so good to work hard together.

I love having a body that is (sort of) fit and strong. I love doing hard work, especially outdoors. I love working alongside my sweetheart. And as my family knows, I always love taking a trip to the dump--it is SO cathartic to get rid of messes!

So it was a good morning. We came home from the dump, scratched and bloody, but nothing that a hot shower couldn't take care of.

This evening was the General Relief Society broadcast. I love the thought of all my girls sitting together to hear the inspired messages, even though we live far apart. Ashley wasn't able to attend tonight because Blake has a cold, but as far as I know, the rest of my girls were there. Julia and Maleena were with me in Oregon City, Holly in Idaho, Kendra and Katie in Utah, Polly and Angela in the Bay Area, and Hillary in southern California.

I wish my mother were a member of Relief Society. If she lived closer, I could at least invite her to come with me.

I don't have any sisters of my own. I have one brother, and we might have had another sibling--maybe it would have been a sister--but my mother miscarried, and then she and my father decided not to have any more children. As my daughters have grown, I have admired their sister relationships, and wondered what it would be like to have a sister relationship in my own life.

Sitting in the chapel tonight, and seeing scenes from the broadcast of the vast audience, and thinking of my girls scattered in various states, all of us surrounded by sisters from our own wards and stakes, I was moved to tears to think of sisters, and how grateful I am for the many sisters I have in my life.

I am so happy to be a woman alive on the earth, so grateful for my family and the gospel in my life, so moved by inspired prophets and leaders who bring me closer to Christ.

Kindness

I want to take better care of myself, and I have realized that to do that, I need to be more kind to myself.

One thing I've (finally) figured out is that being a perfectionist is toxic. It's fine to have a commitment to doing good work, producing useful ideas/documents/lessons/etc, but insisting on perfection is prideful and controlling. It's unkind. I'm trying to let that go.

I am also taking more opportunities to relax. I'm still using my little yoga book to practice yoga poses every day. When I finish, I feel stretched, strengthened, and more relaxed. I notice that I've been sleeping a LOT better since I started practicing yoga. My favorite yoga to do is a series of 18 poses called the "strengthening series" in this book. Other places I've heard it called the "sun salutation."  (I found a cool little animated guy doing the sun salutation here. The series I am currently practicing actually has a several additional poses added in to it. It took me a couple of weeks just to memorize the sequence of poses, but now I can go through all 18 without looking at the book.)

Another way I have found to relax recently is to help myself fall asleep by counting grandbabies. If I'm awake in the middle of the night, I imagine each one in his or her bed and how he or she might look asleep. If it's an afternoon nap, I imagine each one at play or schoolwork. The other day I had a tension headache and went upstairs to take a nap. I was going through each of the little ones, starting with Julia's kids, and then down through each of my children in order, and I only made it as far as Rebecca before I was asleep! I had to count the rest of the grandchildren when I woke up--headache free--20 minutes later.

I am also being more kind to myself by honoring more of my own wishes, ones that I have so often decided weren't important. They are little things, but they make me feel more loved and cared for, even if I myself am the one doing the loving and caring! Taking time to rub my feet with lotion when they are tired and sore. Stopping by Dairy Queen for a Dilly Bar on my way to a meeting at the district office. Buying a new pair of pants for myself that actually fit and feel comfortable, when the ones in the closet have gotten too tight (what's up with that?). Buying a yoga book on the play day Mark and I took out to the coast.

Mark and I have scheduled a play day on one Saturday a month. The play days are on the calendar, and we are committed to not scheduling other things on those days. We tell others (or ourselves), "Sorry, I'm not available that day. I have a previous commitment." On our September play day we went out to the coast for the day. We haven't decided yet what we will do on our October play day, but we're hoping to make it an overnighter. These play days are actually dates - just for Mark and me - to stay connected with each other and with our playful selves.

It's just another way to be kind.

Hello Olivia!

Here is darling Olivia--in my lap! We are here in Utah for Mimi Haynie's wedding tomorrow (Mimi is Mark's niece), and bonus! We get to spend time with Olivia and Katie & Bryan, and Abbi & Charlie and Kendra and Chris. What a treat. We will be here until Sunday evening.

We really enjoyed our time with Olivia. (Can you tell it was "spirit day" at Oregon City HS today? We went straight from work to the airport. A busy day, but we are very glad to be here.

Ethan's baby blessing

These posts are out of order, but things have been a little crazy with school starting up, and I'm trying to get the blog caught up.

Last weekend Mark and I flew to Los Angeles for Ethan's baby blessing. Ethan is the son of Joshua (Mark's oldest son) and Hillary Haynie. Nate and Ashley drove down from Oregon with Blake to meet their new nephew, and Angela flew down from the Bay Area. (Tim kept the twins at home.)

We had a lovely time. We stayed with Hillary's parents, and it was so nice to get to know them better--without the stress of a wedding going on! (They taught us a fun new card game--"Monopoly Deal"--which we've now purchased to play here at home.) It was fun to have all three of Mark's kids together. The weather was a little on the warm side, but very pleasant.

It was wonderful to spend time with Josh and Hillary. We wish we didn't live so far apart, and that we could see them more often!

Ethan's baby blessing

Play Day at the Coast with Mark

Sleeping Bag Yoga

I bought this little book at the Tillamook Forest Center the other day when Mark and I were there on our play day. I've been practicing the yoga poses in it for the last two nights. Boy, was I surprised to wake up sore this morning! I hadn't really trusted that the yoga poses could be that much work, I guess. There are a couple of them I can't even begin to do, but for the most part, I'm finding this to be a useful little book. I want to keep practicing the poses. I thought they would be good centering stretches, but maybe they'll help me to build some strength, too!

Jefferson Park Backpack

Sitting in the airport

(I wrote this last Friday morning - tried to post then, but we had too much happening over the weekend, and then we were back to school on Monday. Sorry to be lame with a late post, but I haven't posted anything in so long...)

(We have more wonderful news - new posts coming soon - stay tuned!)

Hooray for PDX and free wi-fi! Mark and I are sitting here waiting for our plane. That would be waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Beautiful pinky-gold-purple clouds outside as the sun is coming up (6:15 am). (Why do we say "the sun is coming up"? Really the earth is spinning madly around toward the sun again...)

Anyway, we're on our way to go meet Ethan Haynie for the first time. Yesterday Hillary posted on her blog that he is in the 97th percentile. He already weighs almost as much as Maddy, and he's only one month old, she's 4 months old. So fascinating how individual all these little people are. Mark and I are excited to meet him. We're taking a Bumbo chair for a baby gift, which Mark is very kindly carrying onto the plane. He's such a good grandpa.

I haven't had a minute to post about our backpacking trip into Jefferson Park last week. It's not really a park, but it sure is gorgeous. It's in a wilderness area in the Willamette National Forest, right at the base of Mt. Hood. To get there, you drive to Salem, head east on Hwy 22 past Detroit Lake, then drive up a gravel road for 6 miles to the trailhead.

From the trailhead, it's a 6-mile hike to Jefferson Park. That would be 6 miles UPhill, but it's not really all that bad. The trail is well built and the grade is even and not too steep. Lots of shade, and the trail isn't too rocky. It was actually harder on us hiking out, DOWNhill, because all that downhill is kind of hard on our middle-aged knees and toes. (Our heads and shoulders did fine - ha!)

We hadn't been on a getaway, just for us, in years. Years and years. Maybe the last time was when we went to the coast in southern Washington on Labor Day of 1997. We've been on a number of road trips and other outings since then, but we're always with someone else, or headed to someone's house for a visit, or something. It was wonderful to have some time away to play all by ourselves. Twelve years in between is way too long.

My very cool blogging friend, Dorothy Jenson, recently posted a bunch of photos on her blog in the form of a slide show. She made it using her free PhotoBucket account, and I want to be cool like Dorothy, so I'm going to just save this little snippet and see if I can open up a PhotoBucket account of my own and upload some photos and make a slide show right here in PDX before our plane arrives...

So many busy, happy things...

I have felt guilty not posting in so long, but I have hardly known where to begin. So many happy times, so many blessings, and we have been so busy enjoying them all that there hasn't been time to post and do any of them justice. Here are a few highlights.

Mark had a good experience at Cub Scout Day Camp. He moaned and groaned a little about walking up and down the hills, but there aren't that many of them, and the exercise on uneven terrain was really good for him. By the end of the week he felt stronger and more fit. Here's a photo of the two of us when I went up on the last day.



The day after Day Camp, little Ethan, son of Joshua and Hillary, was born! I don't have a full-size photo of him, so this one will have to do for now. This one was taken on the day he was born, July 24, a little pioneer day baby. He is growing by leaps and bounds, and he looks so much like Joshua.



On July 28 Mark and I left for 4 days of camping at Sparks Lake with our dear friends, Ken and Dorothy Jenson, and some of the other "empty nesters" from our ward. Holly and David and Arora came out and joined us for a day (they didn't stay the second night, because Arora was throwing up in the tent the first night). It is so peaceful and relaxing at Sparks - we felt like we really got away from our daily life out there at the lake.

Mark in his favorite relaxing position at Sparks Lake. We went in fully clothed because it was so hot - with our clothes wet, we stayed cool for a couple of hours after we came out.


Paddling the canoe with David and Arora.


Mark and Ken feeding the birds - bits of bread in each hand and on top of their hats. If you look closely, you can see the bird that landed on Marks right hand.

After we came home from Sparks Lake, we were here for just a Sunday, then we turned around and headed to the hills to go backpacking with grandkids. Our first outing was to Twin Lakes with Kat and Sarah. They are seven, and this was their first backpack outing. They did great!

Kat and Sarah on the trail to Twin Lakes.

Sarah and Kat learn how to set up their tent.

We had directions to a "letterbox" hidden beneath an old log about 1/2 mile past Upper Twin Lake. It made a great adventure and treasure hunt for the girls. Here is the moment where Kat and Sarah discovered the letterbox. We brought stamps and a stamp pad with us, and we all put our signatures and stamps into the tiny journal tucked inside the letterbox.

Mark, Sarah, and Kat enjoyed drinking their hot chocolate on the "bouncy log."

The four of us (me, Sarah, Kat, Mark) ready to hike back to the trailhead.

We met Jayesh at the trailhead and traded the girls for Josh and his friend, Kameron Christensen. Jay took the girls home, and we drove with the boys to Olallie Lake, where we donned packs and headed for the multitude of small lakes that surround Olallie. We had three days of joy hiking among the lakes and hills nearby.

Kameron and Josh pause by a small meadow.

Mark, Kameron and Josh swimming in Sheep Lake with their Thermarest sleeping pads.

Mark at the top of Potato Butte. Mt. Jefferson is in the background.

Kameron and Josh - ready to hike on a rainy morning.

At the end of the hike - back to Olallie Lake. (me, Kameron, Josh, Mark)

Then this week I went to Utah for a very quick trip. I helped Polly drive down for her sister-in-law's wedding. Too long a trip for just a mama and three young children! The kids were great on the trip, but we stopped frequently to let them get out and run around, so it took a very l-o-n-g time. We left at 5:30 am and didn't arrive until almost 11:00 pm! Then I spent a day and a half with Katie. It was really fun to visit her before her baby arrives sometime in the next 2 or 3 weeks.

My mind to your mind...

Here's a photo of Mark and me at cub scout day camp, 2008.

Cub scout day camp begins tomorrow, and I can't go. I'm working in Salem for Oregon Dept of Ed for the next four days. Sweet Mark has agreed to go all week. I am really grateful for this, because I know from experience that it makes all the difference in the world for the boys to have a consistent leader there throughout the week. Mark is patient and he has tons of scouting experience, so he's a natural for this "opportunity."

But there are SO many details that go into organizing a pack for day camp! Our pack has been growing by leaps and bounds. When I first became involved with cubs in our ward about 5 years ago, we had only 3 boys going to day camp. This year we have 13, organized into 2 dens! Along with the 13 boys, nineteen different adults are going up on various days to lend Mark a hand. It's been a major pain organizing who is driving each day, determining which den they will help supervise, collecting 32 different health forms (kids & adults), procuring 14 different t-shirts, helping boys make 2 different den flags and den yells, etc, etc.

And now I need to transfer all this info to Mark, so it will all be successful without me there. I've made a notebook for him with list after list, printed out the huge email I just sent to all the parents, inserted copies of the den rosters and the late registrations and the camp receipt and...

He has the coolers and the ice packs and the den flags and the water bottles and the t-shirts all in a pile. I've told him about the new cub scout with food allergies (wheat & milk), and what to do if the boys get too over-stimulated (take them for a walk), and how to contact the parents if there's a problem.

How did the world manage cub scout day camp before I came along? How will Mark do this week? Worry, worry, worry. Silly me, he'll be fine of course. It's not that hard after all. Take a bunch of 8-, 9- and 10-year olds, add in some really super parents, head off to a beautiful, well-run day camp, and voila! I'm sure they'll have a wonderful time.

And not only that, I've transfered my mind to his mind...it's all in the notebook...list after list after list after list...

Blueberry Wealth

I was out early this morning, picking blueberries again. I stood in the same spot for nearly an hour, and still couldn't get all the blueberries from just that one side of the bush picked. The bushes out front are only 2 years old; their trunks are no bigger around than my thumb. These bushes in the back were old when I moved here 30 years ago. The trunk of the largest bush is as big as my thigh (unfortunately, that's a goodly size...). Could they be as old as the house? 100-year-old bushes?

I don't know the lifespan of a blueberry bush, but I do know that I am wealthy in blueberries. Already I have nearly 40 cups in the freezer, and there are at least 20 more left to pick on the bushes. I was contemplating blueberries as I stood and picked this morning...

...how hard they work to convert sunshine into sugar for all those berries. Berry after berry after berry, loaded with sugar and antioxidants.

...sweet memories of picking blueberries year after year. I remember picking blueberries when Kendra was a newborn. I would put her in her little carrier chair and sit her under the blueberry bushes. Birds sing and the shade flickers overhead when I stand and pick blueberries.

...speaking of birds, the last time I was picking, a hummingbird flew near and hovered about 2 feet away. He zoomed away, and then came back to hover again a few minutes later. Was he checking me out? I don't think hummingbirds eat blueberries; I think they only drink nectar, although if he wanted some blueberries he could have them. There are plenty of blueberries on my bushes to share a few with the birds.

...if Mark and I ever build houses on our back property, maybe I'll build the handicap-access "grandma house" in the back corner near the blueberry bushes. That way, when I can't manage the big house any more and I move into the little cottage out back, I'll still have blueberries.


Here's another photo from the yard. Early in the morning, the bumblebees are still asleep in the lavender bushes. This bumblebee was still dreaming lavender dreams when I snapped this photo early yesterday morning. (It's fun to click on the photo and see the bumblebee up close in the middle of the lavender. And no, I didn't take the blueberry photo. That's an image I found on Google.)

Real Age

Have you ever checked out the Real Age website? It asks you a bunch of questions about your health and lifestyle, and then it emails you with your "real age."

I took the survey this evening, and my real age came back as 49.8 years! Not bad for a 55-year-old.

Some of the positive factors in my "real age" are beyond my control - my parents are still alive and still married to each other, I don't have a family history of breast cancer, etc. But some of them are completely within my control - taking vitamins every day, getting enough sleep.

With the negative factors, though, I have control of everything. My negative factors include: I don't have a dog, I'm not getting enough whole grains, I'm neglecting my muscles, and I have a high body mass index (BMI - in other words, I weigh too much). I got dinged for having a lot of stress in my life, too (adding a child to the family, worrying about my job situation, etc.).

Gee, how much younger would I be if I lost weight, got a dog, and ate more whole grains? The world might never get rid of me, so it's a good thing I'm not that perfect. We all need to take our turns here on Earth.

It's a privilege...

Years ago, when I had a houseful of children, on an evening when the kids were especially wound up and noisy and disrespectful. I got angry, as moms sometimes do, and made the mistake of trying to threaten them into better behavior. "If you kids don't calm down," I yelled, "you'll be outside sleeping in a tent tonight. It's a privilege to sleep in the house!"

The kids gaped at me, open-mouthed, and then burst into guffawing laughter. They poked fun at my short-term rage and my ridiculous threat. After a bit, I grinned and backed down, defeated by my own self-righteousness. They knew I wouldn't drive them out into the dark, and they were right.

Over the years, given my love of camping and backpacking, my family has turned that memorable faux pas into an inside, teasing joke. "Remember," they'll tell me from time to time, "it's a privilege to sleep in a tent."

Yesterday I had a rough day. I worked all day in Salem, came home briefly, then went out to Scouter's Mountain for a day camp meeting to wrangle the t-shirts that should have been ordered and hadn't been, then cried on the way home about another sadness. I went to McDonald's and bought a hamburger and a milkshake and ate them by myself, still teary, at Clackamette Park. Finally got home at 8:00, spent another hour tracking down day camp details, and then Maleena came downstairs, hurting from her Tuesday surgery, wanting something to eat. Mark was at a meeting; I'd hardly seen him all day, and come to find out he hadn't picked up any groceries earlier in the day. So I went to the store, resentful because I wanted a little time for something I chose to do, not something I was expected to do by others. Driving home 15 minutes later, my cell phone rang; Maleena was calling to tell me that Mark was home and he'd gone to the store on the way home from his meeting.

Something in me snapped. I dumped the groceries on the counter and went upstairs to start a load of wash - I wanted a shower and I was out of clean underwear because I'd been working all week and hadn't done any wash - but the washer and dryer were full of Julia & Mike's laundry. Went into my bedroom, which was still a mess from the wall-painting project Mark had undertaken last week, and things still weren't put back where they belong. I was mad and tired and sad and sweaty and I didn't want to deal with anyone.

So I did what any self-respecting backpacking grandma would do under those circumstances: I went and grabbed my backpacking tent and a Thermarest and a sleeping bag out of the basement, and stomped out to the orchard, where I set up my tent and sleeping gear. I cried a while, then pulled out my headlamp and my book and read for a while. Maleena came out to apologize for making me go to the store, and Mark came out to check on me, but he didn't try to talk me into coming back inside. So I read a while longer and then slept until 4:00 am, when I had to go to the bathroom, so I went back in the house and slipped into bed next to Mark, who was awake waiting for me. We talked for a while and went to sleep until morning, when I went out to put the tent away.

I sure don't want to get all emotional like that very often, but yes, it's a privilege to sleep in a a tent.

Thumper's Rule

"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," was Thumper's etiquette advice.

I think my version of this would be: "If I can't say it to someone's face, don't say anything at all."

Avoiding gossip? We all know that's what we're supposed to do. And yet for years I have meddled in the lives of my children, trying to help them get along, trying to help smooth things over, sympathizing here, explaining there.

I don't want to do this any more. Interfering between adult children is a bad idea, because mediating a relationship means there's not really a relationship. Although it hurts my mother heart when my children are in conflict, I need to get out of the way and allow my children to be honest and real with one another, instead of avoiding issues. My children end up negotiating around the elephant in the living room, because they're trying to keep me happy.

Joseph Smith said, "I teach my people correct principles, and let them govern themselves." If my family members aren't governing themselves very well, I still need to get out of their way. I have taught them the best I can, and I will continue to offer encouragement (always) and counsel (when they ask for it), but I will stop talking out of two sides of my face, stop trying to agree with everyone, stop trying to make everyone happy.

I will be honest. If I can't be honest and kind, I will be quiet. I choose love, I choose kindness, I choose to not take sides.

The Right Kind of Cancer

Survivors' Lap - Relay for Life

Mark wanted to walk in the Survivors' Lap at the Relay for Life on June 27. He walked a lap at Clackamas Community College with a bunch of other cancer survivors. When he was actually walking with all of them, I was more moved than I had anticipated. I think I've kept the reality of his cancer at arm's length for a long time, and this made it all more real. Kind of funny timing, since he already had the surgery, and the biopsies are all negative. As his doctor said when he told us the news, "If you're going to have a cancer diagnosis, this is the one you want - stage 3 and completely operable." I am so grateful that he is cancer-free. Four weeks today since his surgery.

A Work in Progress

The back yard is coming along. I am still working on convincing Mark that it really is important that we get the rest of the swings installed. The barkdust is all in place, and the steps are almost finished. Nate has been doing a super job getting them built for us. They are strong to stand on and attractive to view. I am thrilled to finally have use of this access to our back yard!

100 Years

The house was built in 1909, and we are gearing up for the birthday party on the 4th of July. We'll have 40-50 people here for an afternoon picnic, and an on-going circus here at the house as we enjoy time with Polly and her 3 kids (Eric stayed in California to work on his doctoral dissertation), Kendra & Chris and their 2 kids, my parents, Mark's mom, and the local families: Greg & Cheryl, Julia & Mike & Josh/Sarah/Kat/Maddy, Nate & Ashley & Blake, and David & Holly & Arora. More family arriving today and tomorrow: Mark's brother Mike & wife Julie, Mike K's daughter & granddaughter Christina & Kaitlyn, and Cousin Eva.